just...blah

...Somedays, I get home from work and I have a list of things I want to do (schedule dentist appt, read a chapter in my book, go to gym, etc) to keep myself busy and productive but instead, I find myself with the TV on but muted, and surfing online for...nothing. And then, I'll lay in bed for almost 2 hours, and NOT nap doing...nothing. I don't think I'm depressed but, I don't know why I do it. Again, I've been depressed, on the verge of tears at every moment, sometimes for reasons I manifest and exaggerate, and sometimes for none at all, but I'm not at that. I'm not particularly sad about anything right now. Just...blah...that's all I feel...blah...

It's wierd because, I know I have reason to feel "lonely" like I have in the past, but I don't really feel that. I'm single. All my friends pretty much flake on me (that's no exaggeration) but it's like my heart is ok with it when my mind is like, you are such a lonely loser. I don't know why I complain when I did spend sometime really trying to make it where I didn't feel it, but why hasn't my mind gotten with the program? Seriously...what the fuck is wrong with me? My introspective can only take me so far but I know I'm way to stubborn and proud to listen to anyone else. Maybe I'll stumble upon the answer one of these days if I just keep asking myself these questions.